Ouch, I understand your frustration and anger.

First, a metaphor: If a person suffers in stormy waters and is about to drown, then surely, for him to escape he needs to get out of the water. And if another person is out on the desert and suffers from dehydration, then for him the escape is to find water. So here we have two 'paths', "get out of the water" or "get to the water". They might seem opposite or contradictory advice, but the thing is that they are situational. I'd guess it is about the same with Tao - people come from different backgrounds, they are in different situations, and they need different metaphors to help make sense of their lives etc.

Also, I think the ancient taoists were educated people - which in ancient China meant that they'd work for the Emperor. If I remember correctly, in the book of Chuang Chou they write that in times of a good and peaceful emperor it is OK and fine to work for the State - but when there is a despotic emperor, better just leave ones position and to seek retirement in the mountains, leading a simple peaceful hermit life.

Personally for me things have been different, since already as a teenager I knew that I deliberately want to break my family ties, so for me isolation wasn't that much a problem. But this is a big theme, yes. I do understand that 'to belong somewhere' is a deep need for a human being, and that it also is a source of problems.

Oh well, but enough of my general ramblings. I hope you'll find ways to reduce the suffering. Ways that work for you, in your situation.